E likes to draw

For a while now I have been wanting to show casing some of E.'s work. Coming from someone who loves to draw, it is very exciting to see my little one starting to do so. I feel pretty proud of him. Maybe all parents go through this, but I simply can't resist. 

I found him on the steps. I believe every child needs one of this magnetic drawing boards. So much drawing without so much paper.

E. told me he drew "baby S." I love the details. The arms, legs, hair, even eye brows. It's great!

 Ok. So I have to explain the following pictures. A few months ago I had bought an art pass for watercolor classes with a neighbor. Months went by and I only used two out of ten classes. So we figured that E. could take over my pass, and go through "art camp." He really liked going to "Melissa's" and drawing. I try not to draw in front of E. because then he just asks me to draw for him. I want him to draw, but then he says, "no...you do it." But from time to time I will. On the third or fourth class, the emphasis was on learning to trace. The next morning, I found E. doodling on the dry eraser board. I drew a stick figure boy (the one on the far right, right next to E.'s head in the picture below), and told him that was him. He then asked me to draw "mommy," which I did (lady in dress next). Then I told him that it was his turn, but he was hesitant. So I guided his hand as we drew "daddy" (next stick figure) together. E. added the hair all by himself.

At this point, S. needed something that I needed to tend. I told E. to go ahead and draw baby S. When I came back, he had! The stick figure to the left was all E.! Hair, eyes, mouth, and limbs, all him. I was so impressed and E. was thrilled. "Who else, who else?" I said, "Bruno! Draw Bruno." So the little figure below baby S. is Bruno. I love it. E. talked the entire time he drew. "This is Bruno. And his eyes, and his nose...Then his legs." I was so impressed that he drew 4 legs! Lastly, E. drew in the floppy ears. Can I just say how much I love this?!

I took these pictures, but later E. drew grandma and grandpa on top. Man, it just thrills me that he likes to draw. Maybe all kids do, but as he is my little guy, it tickles me. And I think he's pretty observant. What do you think?

The first gifts

Christmas started early this year. By the first week in December, we had already received some gifts from Grandma M from "Sheorshia". I was not fast enough to keep prying eyes away from the box, and so out came the play doh. E. loved it! He played with it nonstop for three or four hours that day. Happy Christmas little boys!

I wish I knew what he was wondering right at that moment. Is that not the most quizzical look ever?

Too bad the play doh was left out and started to dry. I love toys like this. Both boys had so much fun, and I loved seeing them play, even if I ended up sweeping bits of dried play doh for days. They loved it. Gracias Abulita!

What child is this?

How can you get a million different expressions from your child? Just put a slightly large hat on him, of course! Here is a tribute to the many expressions of S. boy.

My funny favorite. He makes this face all-the-time. He's pretty loud...

I love that nose! Me la como!

35 seconds and the hat is gone.

I guess the better question is, "whose is this child?" and I am so happy to say, "this child is mine." Love him to pieces.

Christmas Devotional

I'm going to do something that I said I wasn't going to do, and that is play a bit of catch up. The month of December has flown by. As I look at the posts, I realized that I entirely skipped over Thanksgiving and my birthday, and if I don't do a bit of catch up, Christmas and December as a whole will be going into oblivion. So here is to December!

I'll start off with the Christmas Devotional. It was such a crazy experience because I had been planning for it for weeks. The idea was the B. and I would go together with some friends, as I had scored four tickets. The tickets are really hard to come by on most years, but this year I was just able to order them online. The issue arose the evening prior to the event. My sitter all of a sudden dropped off. I tried in vain to look for a replacement. No luck. B. had to stay and care for the kiddos. I even tried to give the tickets away, but on short notice, nobody seem to want them either. What to do? What to do? I ended up going as the third wheel. Good thing my friends are pretty awesome, otherwise, I would have missed a really great experience. 

At the Conference Center, ready to hear the message of Christmas. My favorite was about being a good recipient. Great perspective always, Elder Uchdorf. 

Here is the First Presidency, getting ready to speak.

It was a great night. The weather was not too bad, and the Temple looked beautiful.

The lights at Temple Square are so fun. I missed B. terribly though. I wanted oh so bad to hold his hand. It would have been such a romantic evening had he come...

As great as it was, the best part was coming home to this smile!

Next year I'll try to get 6 tickets, and I'll have a back up sitter so that B. can come with me.

I too, hold my sons a little tighter

Today I also hold my sons a little tighter, a littler closer, a little more desperately. It has been a few days since the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary and I am finally daring to streamline my thoughts into words on a sentence. My heart aches, my eyes well up. I'm trying so desperately to not allow the hysteria from rising. I am more than two thousand miles removed from where this tragedy occurred, and yet I cannot but feel fearful. My heart longs to find comfort in all of the familiar ways, but tragedy seems to be creeping closer, closer, closer. There was a time when those horrible things were unheard of, were a thing of war and distraught places. This land was impervious to many of the evils that pervaded other lands. That's why we moved here...To escape, to find a safe zone. I find myself going through the same waves of emotions that I remember when the September 11th attacks occurred. There is no safe place...Thou knowest neither the day nor the hour...This tragedy, much like 9/11, tears me into thinking that the worst comes most unexpected. At least with war, you live in that constant fear. You know that that day may be your last. You know that danger encases you, and the adrenaline in your body seems to run consistently high. This is the stuff of anxiety. But when one is living life, having arguments, and kissing good-bye with a peck; when one's mind is bogged down with grocery bills and silly things, when one seems to make a life out of living, then the blow is so hard. One is not prepared. I was not prepared. I heard the news on my way to work, and my mind was tormented. The unknown fatalities, the children, the possibility of a coordinated attack...the children...the parents, the agony of time, the children. CHILDREN for God's sake! Children much like my children, just a few years their senior. I am blown to bits.

The conditions are so typical, a quiet town, the excitement for winter break, the conversation about the events of the prior day...It could happen anywhere. IT happens anywhere and everywhere. I feel like this life has a destiny that likes to play Russian roulette. My family and I are not out of range. Much like those parents, who were told to sit down before disclosing that 20 children had been killed. Twenty children, out of the billions of children in the world, who aren't coming home for Christmas. "Your child is not coming home." How bitter the hope of things that did not come to pass.

I sit here, composed, typing my thoughts away. Yet there are those parents, siblings, and friends, who cannot fathom what just happened. Those parents whose tears continue to streak their cheeks, unaware of the world that keeps revolving. Those siblings whose inquirying minds cannot understand their playmate lays cold and unmoving. Those friends, lucky to be alive, yet cursed. I feel for them. I feel for each of their struggles from the core of my being. It is not okay. Don't tell me (or them!) that it is going to be okay. No. The madness is in full swing.

Yet, the days pass. The sun rises, the moon follows. The chill of the wind hits my face. I get dressed. I eat. I sleep. At some point, other thoughts occupy my mind, because unlike those very closely affected, I am at liberty still. My job demands my attention. My kids, sound and happy want me to hold them and read them stories. It's a tricky balance of function and emotion. How desperately I want to grant them every wish for fear that tomorrow I may not get to. Still, the likelihood of another day is high, and my motherly duties grab the disciplined no and make me utter it. "No, you can't have blue fruit punch at breakfast." Luckily their tantrum-stained tears dissipate quickly and opt for milk or orange juice instead. There is time still...

Right after 9/11, there was a flurry of phrases noting, pleading not to forget. "Remember 9/11." As the nation mourns and heals, it moves toward forgetting a little. It's part of returning to normalcy. The struggle is to move on without forgetting, because those families, those frantic mothers looking for their unaccounted sons and daughters, they, THEY will NEVER forget. And I? I will look into my children's faces on their seventh birthday and think of those who never grew up to see it.

12.12.12

Ever since I was a little girl, I remember being enthralled by patterns. I used to play a game with my little brother where, any time the hour and minute would match, say 3:03, we would say, "Ahh." It was a fun little game. I liked it best because I wanted to mark the occasion. I wanted to note that I was alive at a certain moment, and I noted it.

I had been looking forward to this day, 12/12/12 for a while. It is the end of the triple digits. There was 01/01/01, and then 02/02/02, and so on and so forth. 12/12/12 marks the finality of these repetitive years in my life time. I don't remember where I was on 03/03/03 or 04/04/04, but I wanted to remember today. There was nothing great about today, I wish it had been more eventful. I woke up, went swimming. Tended the kids and baked some banana bread. Got ready for work, and though I was disappointed that I had to work, I thought it would still be fun to take a picture of the clock, exactly at 12:12:12. It was a countdown, like New Year's, but on my own.

The picture never happened. The clock did strike 12:12:12 in a second that came and went. I found myself on the phone in a work-related conversation, and by the time I looked, the clock read 12:18:46. I can't deny that a little part of me died. I had missed it.

I write this post to make a memory of this day. Where I was on 12/12/12 at 12:12:12 was not special, neither my conversation. More than likely I'd forget today the way I have forgotten many days past. It is sad to think about life being mostly composed of of forgettable days. All I can do is try a little harder at doing something worth remembering every day. And if my busy life is packed with the monotony of endless survival, then at the very least, I can note it. Take a moment to say, "Ahhh." This moment is special on its own, and I recognize it.

Some random pictures of late // Unas fotos al azar

Here are a few pictures just at random, pictures I took from September to November. //

Estas son unas pocas fotos al azar que tome entre Septiembre y Noviembre. 

The kids love the porch. It's great to have a space where they can use sidewalk chalk. //
A los niños les encanta jugar en el porche, en donde les gusta pintar con gis. 

S. likes to taste the chalk from time to time. //
A S. le gusta comerse el gis de vez en cuando. 

I love this. E. was meticulous about drawing a car, with wheels, windows, and doors. And then a car wash. Or as he says it, a "wash car." //
Me encanta esta foto. E. se esforzo por dibujar un carro, con llantas, puertas, y ventanas. Y luego dibujo un lavado de autos. 

A different day, playing with chalk. //
Otro dia, otra vez jugando con los gises.

And doing yoga inside Bruno's crate! //
Y haciendo yoga en la jaulita de Bruno. 

My goal in life is to get my boys to be chefs by the time they leave for college. They both love their kitchen. //
Una de la metas de mi vida es que mis ninos sean chefs para cuando se vayan a la universidad. A los dos les encanta su cocina. 

We go from this, wintery day....//
Un dia invierno...

To this the next week. And back to cold weather. And back to warm weather. It's been crazy. Oh, yeah. And they both think it is the funniest thing to play inside the crate. //
A casi verano a la siguiente semana. Y luego invierno otra vez. Y luego templado de nuevo. El clima ha estado todo loco.  Oh, y los dos creen que el jugar dentro de la jaulita es lo mejor del mundo. 

While E. draws, S. likes to taste the crayons and markers. //
Mientras E. dibuja, S. se come los crayones y marcadores. 

He is such a funny kid!
Y hace caras!

Temperamental too.
Y gestos.

The ever-looming storm was about to hit, so E. and I decided to hit the park one last time right at dusk. E. has the habit of taking stuff everywhere he goes, mostly color pencils and books, or toys and buckets. //
La tal anunciada tormenta estaba apunto de llegar, asi que E. y yo decidimos ir al parque una ultima vez. E. tiene el habito de llevarse cosas a donde sea que vaya, casi siempre colores y libros, a veces juguetes y bolsitas. 

The kiddo forming sculptures in the sand with crayons. Farewell Fall! //
El niño formando esculturas de crayones en la arena. Adios Otoño!

S. at the pool // S. en la alberca

On days when E. goes to preschool, I make sure to spend some one-on-one with S. It would be easy to cook and clean and run the thousands of errands that totting around with only one kid allows me. Except that while E. is gone, I want S. to feel like he is "the only one in my world." So I take him to the pool. My eyes are locked to his every move. I don't have the phone to answer, or the computer to distract me. My brain is not processing all the ways I could multitask and still spend time with the kiddo. When we go to the pool, it's just S. and me. S. has no fear. He loves the water, and loves that we can spend this time together. He is my little fish.

The first day that I took him, I wanted to get him acquainted with the pool, the noise, the water, the coldness. I took him right after dropping E. off, so we were in the pool by 12:45 pm. Once in the water, I held him in my lap to let him feel it with his hands and feet, expecting him to eventually start tapping and splashing. For an entire hour, all he did was float stiffly in my arms. He didn't smile, he didn't cry. He didn't wave, flap, splash, or wiggle his toes. S. was taking it all in. He must have been shocked at being alone with me for once. His eyes were observant. The pool was so loud. I whispered lovely things in his ears as I talked to him about the water, the people, the slides, the whistle, the bustle of the pool. He listened. He watched. It was an exhausting hour as I tried to engage him. He cling to me as we waddled the lazy river. He sat motionless in front of the fountain. From time to time he cracked a smile that kept me going, but for the most part we just sat together in the cold water. 

At 2:00 pm we headed to the showers. He loved the warm water and my constant talking. He looked content. His eyes were getting heavy and red, but he was a trooper. As soon as we got in the car, he was knocked out. After picking E. up, I managed to wake him to eat, and then he snoozed away the rest of the afternoon. 

The second time I took him to the pool, he smiled even as we approached the building. Once in the water, he could not wait to get on his knees and crawl to the many places he'd spotted the previous visit. This time, he waddled, splashed, crawled, and shrieked. He liked touching the side of the slide, where he found a spouting hole which his little fingers could not resist. I knew he would love it, and he did.

The third time I took him, I decided to take some pictures. I only got the camera out the last 10 min we were there, and as soon as the hourly whistle blew, we left for the showers. Here is my baby fish: //

En dias en los que E. va a la escuela, aseguro de pasar tiempo uno-a-uno con S. Seria facil tomar el tiempo para cocinar, limpiar, y hacer las mil cosas que puedo hacer trayendo un solo nino en vez de dos, pero cuando E. no esta, quiero que S. sienta que el es el unico en mi vida. Es por eso, que lo llevo a la alberca. Mis ojos no ven nada mas que a el. No contesto el telefono, y la computadora no esta para distraerme. Mi mente se despeja de las mil cosas que podria hacer aun al pasar tiempo con el. Cuando vamos a la alberca, somos nada mas el y yo. S. no tiene miedo. Le fascina el agua y ama el tiempo que pasamos juntos. S. es mi pequeno pecesito.

El primer dia que lo lleve, nada mas queria que conociera la alberca, el ruido, el agua, y el frio. Lo lleve luego luego de dejar a E. asi que estabamos en la alberca para las 12:45 pm. Una vez ya en el agua, lo sente en mis piernas y deje que tocara el agua con sus manos y pies. Pense que despues de un ratito empezaria a salpicar y echar agua. Por toda una hora, S. solamente floto rigidamente en mis brazos. No sonrio, no lloro. No agito los brazos, intento aletear, salpicar, o menear los dedos de los pies. S. solo observaba. Fue una hora muy cansada al tratar de causar una reaccion. S. se aferro a mi al andar por el agua corrida. Se sento inmovil enfrente de la fuente. De vez en cuando soltaba una sonrisa breve que me alentaba a seguirle, pero la mayor parte del tiempo solamente nos quedamos sentados en el agua fria. 

A las 2 pm, nos fuimos a banar. A S. le encanto el agua calientita y mi charla constante. Se veia contento. Sus ojitos empezaban a verse rojitos y pesados, pero se porto muy bien. En cuanto nos subimos a la camioneta, se durmio. Despues de recoger a E., logre que despertara lo suficiente para comer, y luego se durmio el resto de la tarde. 

La segunda vez que lo lleve a la alberca, S. empezo a sonreir en cuanto llegamos al edificio. Una vez ya en el agua, no podia aguantarse y gatear a todos los lugares que habia visto la vez pasada. En esta ocasion, el nado, salpico, gateo, y grito. Le gusto tocar el lado de un pequena resbaladilla que hay, en donde encontro unos hoyitos y no pudo resistir la tentacion de meter los dedos. Yo sabia que la alberca le iba a encantar, y asi fue.

La tercera vez que lo lleve, decidi tomar unas fotos. Solo saque la camara los ultimos 10 minutos que estabamos ahi, y en cuanto dieron el silbido que marca la hora, nos salimos. Aqui esta mi pequeno pecesito:

 

I'll be happy if I can forever keep this image of him in my mind.// Seria feliz si pudiera siempre recordar esta carita.

He is a funny little dude! // Es unchiquillo muy chistosito!

Little toes in the water. Love them! // Me encantan sus deditos en el agua!

He's on the move! // Para alla va!

I love him. // Me encanta.

"Do you see me splashing mommy?" // "Me ves salpicando mama?"

Thrilled giggles. // Risitas emocionadas.

My beautiful child. // Mi nino hermoso.

Ready to dress after so much fun in the water. // Listo para vestirse despues de divertirse mucho en el agua.

I'm happy to have found something to help me bond with this little guy. S.'s personality is more daring than E.'s. He is confident and unafraid of consequences. It may be too soon to judge, but I can observe those qualities in him. The struggle will be to keep them qualities rather than hindrances. To keep him safe, to encourage his daring nature to pursue a world of impossibilities. I hope that our pool hours will give us the time and place to establish a basis for all things to come. //

Me siento contenta de haber encontrado algo que me ayude a fortalecer mi relacion con este pequenuelo. La personalidad de S. es mas atrevida que la de E. S. tiene confianza y no le asustan las consecuencias. A lo mejor es muy pronto para saber bien, pero veo esas cualidades en el. El desafio va a estar en mantener esos rasgos como cualidades y no impedimentos; a mantenerlo a salvo, y fomentar su naturaleza fuerte para que pueda seguir un mundo de imposibilidades. Espero que nuestras horas en la alberca nos den el tiempo y el espacio para establecer una base fuerte para lo que este por venir.